


A P.I. in Time

by DinerGuy, truthtakestime



Category: Lilo & Stitch (2002), Magnum P.I. (TV 2018)
Genre: Banter, Gen, Humor, Just Trust Us, Kumu knows everyone, Magnum really is a big softie even if he won't admit it, Minor whump, This sounds like crack but it's really not, but the crossover we all need, hijinks and shenanigans, the crossover we never knew we wanted
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-29
Updated: 2019-08-29
Packaged: 2020-09-29 15:29:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20438318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DinerGuy/pseuds/DinerGuy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/truthtakestime/pseuds/truthtakestime
Summary: When Magnum headed to Kauai as a favor to Robin, he didn't expect to get tangled up in another missing pet case while there. And he definitely didn't expect all the trouble he'd find himself in because of said case. And what kind of weird dog is blue anyway?





	A P.I. in Time

**Author's Note:**

  * For [frankie_mcstein](https://archiveofourown.org/users/frankie_mcstein/gifts).

> Written for our lovely friend on her birthday <3
> 
> This was code-named "Danger Cutie" the whole time we were writing it, and we only almost gave ourselves away once in the whole two months this was in progress, so it's probably safe to say we succeeded.
> 
> And yes, it's a sort of weird crossover, but it all started months ago when we were tossing around story ideas and came up with the idea of animal traffickers and Magnum getting bitten by something small and cute. Then, DG happened to be watching Lilo and Stitch, and we realized the Hawaii connection, and it just kind of went from there...

"So remind me why we're here again?" Magnum muttered, tugging at his properly buttoned collar and frowning at Higgins and the boys.

They all shared a look that made him feel positively out of the loop. He hated that. 

"We're here because Robin's new book is finally out," Rick began.

"And as you know, we are heavily featured in it," T.C. continued with a grin. 

Higgins nodded. "Precisely. And because Mr. Masters couldn't be here himself for the launch event — he can hardly control the weather that delayed his flight — someone had to be here to oversee things. With you being the statistically unlikely main character of the novels, you were the top candidate." She wrinkled her nose. "And I am here to baby-sit you because you clearly can't be trusted on your own."

"I resent that," Magnum scowled. "I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself, thank you."

"Mhm. Is that why we had to go out and buy you a new shirt after you forgot your suitcase?"

"That was an accident!" And they didn't _ have _ to go out and buy him anything; the shirt he'd had on would have been just fine and much more true to his sense of style than the thing Higgy had picked out. "I was doing a follow-up on the Miller case when you called and rushed me off the island — still don't understand why Robin couldn't do his book launch on Oahu, by the way. Exotic animals don't just find homes for themselves when they've been repossessed from traffickers, you know!"

"I'm sure Katsumoto and the police will be able to manage without you for one weekend." Rick threw an arm around Magnum's shoulders and made an expansive gesture with his free hand. "In the meantime, this is one sick party! Let your hair down; relax a little. You're supposed to be good at that. Isn't that right, Kumu?" he called a little more loudly as the woman wandered by. 

She chuckled as she breezed past. "Don't ask me! I'm just here for the free crab cakes."

"Et tu, Kumu?" Magnum feigned hurt.

Kumu, long since having wised up to his tricks, didn't even look back at him. Even worse, Rick and T.C. abandoned him to follow her, probably in the hope of acquiring the mentioned crab cakes. The traitors!

Magnum's hopeful look at Higgins on the off-chance that she might actually take pity on him and set him free was unsuccessful.

"You'd better put on your best smile, Thomas," she said with the lift of an eyebrow. "I believe the party is about to begin."

As if on cue, the doors opened to admit photographers and reporters and fans of Robin's books, all of whom were expecting to be entertained. And Higgy was expecting _ him _ to schmooze them. Not that Thomas Magnum couldn't schmooze with the best of them; he just usually preferred it to be _ his _ idea. Promoting Robin's book to a bunch of people who didn't understand what it was really like to go through war and thought it was all extravagantly exaggerated action like it played out in the books was not exactly his idea of a party. More like a personal hell. 

"I would rather be getting shot at by the animal traffickers," he muttered between teeth clenched in a charming smile. "You owe me for this."

"Just think of it as your room and board, since Robin is too good of a soul to make you pay it otherwise." She patted him on the back a bit more vigorously than was comfortable. 

Even if Magnum had had a good argument for her point — and he did, thank you very much, because he _ was _ working for his room and board, being Robin's live-in security and all — the cameras now flashing in their faces made a private conversation impractical at best. 

In spite of his numerous complaints, the book launch wasn't actually as bad as Magnum had thought it would be. Higgins had stepped up to explain to the guests that Robin's plane had been delayed by weather but that Magnum, "the real-life inspiration for the White Knight," would be able to answer any of their questions he had clearance to talk about. That was surprisingly generous of her. "Security clearance" was a very useful phrase to throw out in the face of uncomfortable questions, which meant he didn't have to answer anything he didn't want to. Magnum took back some of his thoughts from that morning when she'd interrupted the end of his case to drag him to Kauai. Maybe Higgy wasn't _ totally _ sadistic. 

Although he still didn't understand why they couldn't just do the whole book launch party thing on Oahu and not have to hop a plane to a totally different island. It seemed like a lot of extra work. But maybe that was just something you did when you were a multi-millionaire? 

His musings were suddenly interrupted by a shout of greeting from the last person he'd expected to see at this event. He was surprised — and not in the pleasant sense.

"Luther?" Magnum blinked. "What are _ you _ doing here?"

The other man grinned. "Well, despite Robin Masters' _ utter _lack in judgment basing a character off of you, he is a very impressive writer. I would be remiss not to avail myself of his literature."

"Don't tell me you're a White Knight fan?" Magnum groaned. That was the last thing he needed. The other man was weirdly obsessed enough with him already… although, maybe that _ would _ make way more sense…

"What?" Luther shook his head, waving his hands to underscore his words. "No. Do you know how unrealistic those books are? I'm a _ Robin Masters _fan. I tolerate the White Knight because of the stellar cast." He winked.

Magnum wasn't sure if the answer made him feel more or less relieved, but, before he could reply, Luther continued.

"I was hoping he'd be here to sign my copy himself." The man looked glum for only half a second before an idea seemed to occur to him. "Say, Thomas! You know Robin! What say you, I dunno, get me in for a quick face-to-face when we're all back home?"

Magnum snorted. "Hey, even _ I _ haven't seen the guy in months. He's a busy man." And, even if Robin _ were _ here, the last thing Magnum wanted to do was subject his benefactor to any amount of time with _ Luther._ Even if Magnum was working for it, Robin was basically letting him live in the guest house for free. And Thomas Magnum did _ not _ bite the hand that fed him, no sir.

"Do you think he's looking for new material?" Luther babbled on, almost without missing a beat. "Because I know a certain hard-working P.I. who certainly deserves to have his life chronicled."

Thankfully, Magnum was saved from answering by the return of Rick and T.C., bearing full plates and contented grins. It seemed they had wasted no time availing themselves of the free snacks.

Rick was waving a piece of shrimp around as he declared, "Dude! Have you seen that buffet table? Our boy Robin sure springs for a quality spread."

"How come you never buy us nice dinners, Thomas?" T.C. wondered between bites of oyster. "With all that work we do for you, you'd think a little appreciation was in order."

"Right." Magnum chuckled. "I'll make a note for when I finally manage to break even on a case, how about that?"

The other two rolled their eyes good-naturedly, then Rick turned to Luther, who was still standing beside Magnum. "Hey, did you get some food yet?" he asked, waving his plate in the other detective's general direction — and letting it linger under Luther's nose for a few seconds. "It's going fast; you might want to get in on the action before it all disappears."

"Oh." Luther blinked, looking from the plate to Rick and T.C., then toward the buffet tables. "It _ would _ be a shame for me to have come all this way to go home without having had dinner."

"Yeah, you better go, man," T.C. said, nodding in agreement. "I saw some hungry-looking reporters heading in that direction when we were coming over here just now."

At that, Luther's eyes widened slightly. "Right, well, I'll be right back. Hold that thought, Magnum," he said in parting before turning and hurrying away.

"Don't worry," Rick told Magnum as soon as Luther was out of earshot. "We saw that weasel talking to you while we were getting food. Kumu's still over at the buffet line — she knows like, half the waitstaff somehow — with specific instructions to stall Luther for as long as it takes for us to disappear to a corner someplace." He winked and stuffed another bite in his mouth.

Magnum nodded in thanks, but, before he could make his escape, he was interrupted again — this time by a tug on his sleeve. He turned around but didn't see anyone. _ Well, that's weird._

"Excuse me, Mister? Mister! I'm right here!"

The tugging continued, and Magnum looked down to find a kid practically hanging off his sleeve. She had long dark hair, was wearing a red floral dress, and looked like she was… four? Or twelve? Somewhere in that range. He had always sucked at guessing kids' ages.

"Hey," he returned, looking around instinctively for someone who seemed like they belonged with the little girl. "Are you lost?"

She crossed her arms at that and glared at him. Magnum could just feel Rick and T.C. smirking beside him and very pointedly did not look in their direction.

"Why would I be lost?" she huffed. "It's the middle of the afternoon, and this place has signs with its name on it _ everywhere."_

"She has a point." This from Rick.

"Okay…" Magnum tilted his head. "Then, how can I help you?" he tried.

"I heard some people over there say you're a private detective. Is that true?" she asked.

He nodded. "That's me. Thomas Magnum P.I."

"I need to hire you," she declared, then took a deep breath. "I was at hula class and a bad man stole my dog! And my sister is at work and David is at work and my other friends went home to their planet for a visit and Cobra Bubbles is on a business trip so _ please _ can you find Stitch? He's very nice. He doesn't bite. Well, _ sometimes _ he does but only when he's scared."

"Wait." Magnum blinked at the sheer amount of words coming out of the tiny person standing in front of him. He decided to focus on the most manageable part of her story first. "Stitch is your… dog?"

The girl nodded quickly. "I have five dollars and forty-two cents in my piggy bank. It's all I have in the _ whole world._ I was saving it to buy a new bike, but you can have it if you can find Stitch."

This felt suspiciously like that one time that he had been hired to find a little girl's cat. And not that that job had been a problem, exactly — minus his getting tangled up in a hit on a federal witness and nearly getting murdered in the middle of the ocean — but Higgy had also been not-so-subtly hinting lately about some minor repairs the Ferrari needed that for _ some reason _ she thought were his responsibility — it wasn't even his car! — and finding lost pets for little girls was not exactly a lucrative gig.

…On the other hand, this little girl _ did _ have a pretty convincing sad face. Magnum could hear Rick and T.C. making appropriately pitying noises and shot them a look before sighing to himself and turning back to the kid. "No, my rate is twenty-five cents a day," he told her with as much solemnity as he could muster. "I promise not to set you back too much."

"Thank you, Mr. Magnum!" she exclaimed, hugging his leg tightly. "I knew you'd say yes!"

"Okay," he said slowly, extricating himself from her grip. "Why don't you start from the beginning?"

She blinked. "I can, but that'll take too long, and I already know where he is."

"Who?" Magnum frowned in confusion, not quite tracking.

"Stitch!" She sighed and took another deep breath before launching into the explanation. "See, I was at hula class two doors down, and Stitch and I were gonna get ice cream when we were done. But then we went to leave, and Stitch ran ahead, and then there was a mean-looking man coming out of the pet store. And he saw Stitch! And then he just _ grabbed _ him and went inside! And I was too far away! Then I finally got there, but they had already locked the door, and I couldn't get in! And now he could be _ gone forever, _ and so I need someone to help me break in and steal him back," she finished with a nod.

"Right," he said slowly, still trying to track with the kid's barrage of a story. "But, if you know where Stitch is, why not just call the police?"

She made a face. "They won't believe me! Besides, _ you're _ here, and you're a P.I, so you can get inside and save Stitch. Everyone knows P.I.s can pick locks. They do it in all the movies."

Magnum sighed and massaged the bridge of his nose. This was not what he'd signed up for five minutes earlier. But, maybe, if all he had to do was just go poke around next door, he could get it done and be back at the party in no time. And it would make the kid feel better, so why not?

He glanced at the girl. "Okay, um… what's your name?"

"Lilo," she supplied.

"Right. Lilo. These are my friends, Mr. Rick and Mr. T.C. They're going to stay here with you while I go find Stitch, okay?"

She scrunched up her nose. "Wait! But you don't know what he looks like." She ticked off points on her fingers. "He's blue and has big ears and a small tail and is about this big," she advised, gesturing with her hands.

"Right, okay… Blue?"

She nodded.

"Got it. I'll be right back." He glanced at his friends.

Rick waved him off. "We got this. I think I saw cookies over at the buffet. Want to get one with us, Lilo?"

Watching them head for the tables, Magnum took a deep breath and then made his way toward the door, weaving between party guests until he finally got outside. Just a little look around the pet store and hopefully find the… strange-sounding blue dog somewhere nearby. This would be the easiest job he'd taken in a while.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, he was still struggling to find a way into the building. 

"Easiest job ever; yeah right," he muttered, glaring at the surprisingly sturdy back door. The front had been a bust. The shop had a closed sign up, and the front door was locked. Unfortunately, there were too many people around for him to even attempt picking the front door lock. And there were no obvious open windows or anything that could have been a convenient way to slip in. He'd finally hopped the fence to get to the back door, only to find it had no knob or handle on the outside and a big, unfamiliar lock.

"What sort of pet store needs this much freaking security?" he muttered to himself as he worked. "And what sort of creep steals a little girl's dog? And what sort of weird dog is _ blue?" _

"Don't call Stitch weird; you'll hurt his feelings!"

Magnum nearly had a heart attack. He blinked down at Lilo, who had her arms crossed and was glaring at him more sternly than he'd ever seen a kid stare him down. He wondered if this was what Higgy had been like as a child. "What are you doing here?" he finally asked. "I thought I told you to stay with the others!" Wait. "How did you get away from Rick and T.C.?"

"Oh," Lilo said dismissively. "That was easy; they brought out dessert."

Which was fair enough; Magnum had seen how his friends got when chocolate was involved. But it still didn't really explain what _ she _ was doing _ here,_ "And I gotta repeat my first question: what are you doing here?"

"I'm helping you," she responded matter-of-factly.

"You're, like, four."

The arms were crossed again. "I'm _ ten,_ and I can help!"

"You can't be here!" He was arguing with a ten-year-old; he did realize that. "What if something happens and you get hurt?"

"I'm big enough, and Stitch needs me!"

Magnum raised an eyebrow. He knew that pets were important to kids, but it was a dog. It would be okay. 

Lilo obviously didn't think so, however. "If _ your _ best friend in the whole wide world was in danger, would you leave it up to some stranger or would you go help too?" she demanded. 

"But… that's not the point. You _ hired _ me."

"For 25 cents! And Nani says you get what you pay for." She narrowed her eyes. "I'm here to make sure I get my money's worth."

He scrubbed a hand over his face. Clearly, he was not going to win an argument with Lilo, and he just wanted to find the weird blue dog — sorry, _ Stitch _ — and get back to the free crab cakes. "Fine; just stay behind me and do what I tell you."

"Okay." She nodded agreeably.

With one last stern look, Magnum turned back to the lock he had been trying to pick before she'd appeared out of thin air and scared him half to death. He got approximately five seconds of uninterrupted silence before the tinny sound of recorded barking filled the air.

"Oh! Your phone is barking!" Lilo exclaimed, reaching for his cell phone that he'd set on the windowsill after using its flashlight a few moments before. She gazed adoringly at the screen, now lit up with Higgins' caller ID.

He shook his head and held out his hand, but Lilo spoke up before he could.

"Why does your caller ID say 'Higgins' with a picture of two really cute dogs?" she asked, smiling up at him.

Magnum raised an eyebrow. "Those are not cute. They're barely even dogs; they're menaces!"

Putting her hands on her hips, phone still barking in her right hand, Lilo glared at him, and he again got the eerie feeling he was looking at Higgy twenty-odd years ago. "What did I tell you about hurting others' feelings?" she scolded. "Besides," she continued before he could respond, "some people said _ Stitch _ was a menace when I brought him home from the shelter, but now he's really nice and only destroys things _ sometimes." _

"Okay then." He made a face. "But I can almost guarantee you that _ your _ Stitch and _ those _ hellhounds are very different creatures." He chuckled and shook his head.

She didn't look convinced. "Promise you'll apologize to the cute hellhounds."

"They didn't even— and kids aren't supposed to say 'hell,' you know."

"I didn't say 'hell.'" She rolled her eyes. "I said, 'hellhounds,' and you called them that first."

He sighed. "Okay, if I promise to apologize, will you give me the phone? I need to talk to Higgy if she's calling me."

"But the caller ID says 'Higgins,'" Lilo pointed out, brow furrowing. "Who's 'Higgy'?"

Boy, he really couldn't pull one over on this kid, could he? "It's… a nickname. And I guess it's Miss Higgy to you."

"Oh."

The barking suddenly subsided, and Magnum sighed. Higgy was never going to let him hear the end of it whenever he finished up this lost dog case and got back to the party — for ignoring her call as much as for ditching the party. Lilo handed him his phone, and he regarded it for a moment before tucking it back in his pocket.

"Aren't you going to call her back?" Lilo wanted to know.

He tilted his head and then gave it a shake. "Nah, I'll just catch up with her later." Calling now was just asking for a lecture he would more than happily put off until as much later as he could. "Let's just focus on getting Stitch back, why don't we?"

Lilo nodded happily, and he turned back to picking the lock.

This time, he got about two seconds into the process before Lilo began to hum softly. Magnum tried to ignore it, hoping that she would give up after a minute. But it was not to be so.

"I'm sorry. Can you please be quiet?" he begged when he'd heard about all he could stand. "I'm trying to concentrate."

"You're taking a long time," she pointed out.

"Well, it's a weird lock, and I am not really used to a soundtrack while I work." He made a face as he realized he was defending himself to a kid.

Lilo lifted an eyebrow. "It's never this slow in the movies."

"Welcome to real life, kid."

She paused at that for a moment, then shrugged in acknowledgment. "Will you teach me how to pick locks?"

Higgy was going to _ kill _ him if she thought he was teaching Hawaii's impressionable youth to pick locks. That was not the sort of role model the White Knight was supposed to be.

Miracle of miracles, in the next moment, Magnum heard the metallic clink of the lock finally opening. He sighed in relief and then turned to Lilo. "Maybe next time. What do you say we go find Stitch?"

* * *

It took Juliet a good twenty minutes to extract herself from Luther's incessant stream of chatter over the buffet table. She made a mental note to speak to Kumu later; for some unfathomable reason, every time Juliet had tried to leave the conversation, the other woman had thrown her under the proverbial bus and set the man off on yet another close-talking tangent. Ordinarily, Juliet would have been able to shake him easily, but, as one of Robin's representatives at this party and with members of the press all about, she wasn't allowed to employ the same if-you-don't-stop-talking-I-will-break-your-fingers technique she otherwise would have.

She'd tried calling Magnum, being decently secretive about it so as not to set Luther off on yet another wildly rambling topic about how much money and how many solved cases Magnum actually owed to him. Unfortunately, for whatever insufferably annoying reason — probably that he'd seen Luther from across the room and decided to hide himself away — he didn't answer the phone. That left her no choice but to simply grit her teeth and smile through Luther's rambling until, finally, a fresh platter of crab cakes gave her the precious seconds she needed to make her getaway.

She made her way back toward where she could see Rick and T.C. looking for… something under one of the tables set up along the walls. What, she wasn't sure, but the fact that Magnum was missing distracted her from asking what they were doing peeking under tablecloths.

_ 'It figures,' _ she thought, rolling her eyes. _ 'The second I turn my back, he tries to escape.' _ Not that she could blame him, though. Honestly, after being accosted by Luther, she rather wanted to escape, too.

She cleared her throat, and both Rick and T.C. spun around to face her.

"Oh, uh, hey, Higgy," T.C. greeted. The slight waver to his voice didn't go undetected.

Where to start? "Can someone please explain to me where Magnum is and how _ I _ got stuck handling the typhoon that is Luther Gillis?"

They ducked their heads and gave her appropriately apologetic looks. 

"Sorry you had to play nice with the wannabe," Rick mumbled. "We, uh, asked Kumu to keep him out of the way to give Thomas a break, but I guess she didn't want to deal with him either."

"And you _ kinda _ got caught in the crossfire," T.C. finished, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Juliet raised an eyebrow. "'Kinda' only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades, gentlemen," she deadpanned. She waited until they both looked appropriately guilty before adding, "Fortunately, I am capable of dealing with a great deal more than Mr. Gillis. But where _ is _ Magnum?"

"He said he'd be back in a few minutes," Rick told her, holding out his hands. "He just went next door to help a kid find her lost dog, I swear."

There was no way on God's green earth that story was true, and, when the two men exchanged looks that said they knew they were in trouble, Juliet raised an eyebrow. But before she could turn the full force of her investigative powers on them, her mobile rang.

It was Katsumoto, who was not at all whom she was expecting. "Hello, Detective. Is everything all right?"

_ "You tell me. Is Magnum with you? He's not answering his phone."_

So he wasn't just ignoring her. "Unfortunately, it seems he's stepped out for a minute." She eyed Rick and T.C. for signs of trouble. "Would you like me to have him call you back?" Not that anyone could _ make _ Magnum do anything, but she could probably bribe him into it if she had to.

Katsumoto sighed. _ "Yes, I need to talk to him. It's about the animal trafficking case." _

She was now less reassured, as she happened to know Magnum was literally just wrapping up that particular case when she'd notified him of the need for his presence in Kauai. "Will do. Any message you'd like me to pass along?" she added.

_ "Tell him we only were able to arrest five of the eight members of the ring," _ Katsumoto replied_. "The three others managed to flee the island; we've got information that says they have connections in Kauai, so we think that's where they're headed." _

Well, this was just great. "I… think he might be able to help you out with that one." She sighed. "You'll never guess where we are."

_ "You're kidding." _

"As much as I wish I were, Detective, I can assure you I am not." She rubbed a hand across the back of her neck as she explained. "Magnum is assisting me with an event for Mr. Masters that was previously scheduled on Kauai this afternoon."

_ "Right," _ Katsumoto said, and Juliet could hear the tightness in his voice. _ "Okay, well, we've got local police headed for the most likely location these thieves could be hiding out. They have a contact on that island who we're pretty sure they're headed for. You tell Magnum he might be needed to make a positive ID." _

"Got it," Juliet replied with a nod, even though she knew Katsumoto couldn't see it. She glanced over at T.C. and Rick, who were looking her way curiously. She knew they couldn't hear the detective's side of the conversation, but they definitely had heard hers — and they knew something was up, judging from the looks on their faces. "If I may ask, where is their local contact? I was involved in the case on Oahu, after all."

_ "Um, Bob's Fish Mart, on—" _

Now it was her turn for the exclamation, and she unintentionally interrupted Katsumoto as it spilled from her lips. "You're kidding."

_ "What?" _

"You… won't believe where we are right now," she said slowly, looking at Rick and T.C. with wide eyes.

_ "What? Higgins, are you saying you are currently _ at _ the pet store?" _

"Well, next door to it." She rolled her eyes in disbelief, her mouth dropping open as the pieces fell into place. "Oh my— Magnum went next door to run an errand." She would have run a hand through her hair if it hadn't been done up so nicely; she settled for pinching the bridge of her nose instead and took a deep breath.

_ "Higgins, wait, are you saying _ Magnum _ is at the pet store?" _

"I'm sure it's all fine," Juliet said, pointedly ignoring the fact that the man in question wasn't answering his phone. "But I will go find him just in case, and then we'll wait for the officers to arrive."

_ "Okay then." _ Katsumoto didn't fully sound convinced, but he didn't press the issue. _ "Just make sure Magnum stays out of trouble. These guys are dangerous, remember." _

"Noted; thank you. We'll touch base later," Juliet said in farewell, then hung up the phone. As the call disconnected, she rounded on Rick and T.C., both of the boys' postures slumping slightly as they took in the look on her face. "Full story. Spit it out. _ Now."_

"We told you!" T.C. spread his hands. "Magnum went help a little girl find her dog." He looked at Rick. "We were also _ supposed _ to be watching her, but she just disappeared."

Rick crossed his arms. "Hey, don't try to pin this on me! You got just as distracted by dessert as I did." He sighed and turned back to Juliet. "She told us she needed a P.I. to help her pick a lock and get her dog back. So Thomas went next door to see if he could help, and that's all we know."

"God's honest truth, Higgy," T.C. added with a nod of his own.

Right. "So now we have a missing _ child _ to find on top of everything else." She sighed. "And if she went next door to try to help Magnum find her dog, we have a whole new set of problems."

But before she could explain, her mobile rang again. "Oh, thank God." She waved the phone toward T.C. and Rick, showing them the screen and Magnum's photo displayed on it.

"Magnum?" she answered the call, tapping the screen to put it on speaker as she held it out between the three of them. "Is your, um, new client there with you?"

_ "Are you Miss Higgy?" _

Juliet blinked at the high-pitched voice that was definitely not Magnum's. "Um, yes, hi," she replied slowly, looking over at Rick and T.C., who looked appropriately relieved. "You must be…"

'Lilo,' Rick mouthed, catching onto her unspoken request. He also was looking rather horrified that the kid he was meant to be watching had somehow ended up _ with Magnum._

"Lilo," Juliet finished. "Where's, um, Mr. Magnum? Is he there with you?"

The little girl paused before answering. _ "Uhhh, Mr. Magnum is kind of busy right now." _

That was not the answer Juliet had been expecting.

_ "But he asked me to call you," _ Lilo continued.

An extremely loud crash from somewhere in the background of the call came through the line in a burst of static, and the three friends exchanged glances.

"Lilo, what was that?" Juliet exclaimed.

This time, Lilo didn't pause before launching into an explanation. _ "Oh, well, you see, Mr. Magnum is helping me find my dog, and we had to pick the lock to get in — and he's _ really _ bad at that — and we heard one of the dognappers on the phone, and Mr. Magnum recognized his voice, but he's also pretty bad at sneaking around because now they're fighting." _

"Lilo, honey, where are you?"

_ "Bob's Fish Mart." _

"Wait. You're still next door?"

_ "Oops, gotta go; I think I see Stitch! Bye!"_

"Wait, Lilo, don't hang up—" For a split-second, Juliet traded stunned looks with the boys.

"So… we're going over there, right?" T.C. said, more of a statement than a question.

"Oh, we're going over there," Rick agreed vehemently.

Juliet nodded. "Preferably before Magnum gets himself killed by animal traffickers."

* * *

_ This,_ Magnum thought, ducking under a wild left hook, _ is really not my day. _

For one thing, he felt pretty stupid for having missed _ three whole guys _ when he and Katsumoto had planned their raid on the base of operations for these traffickers. That was a rookie mistake. And the detective himself calling while Magnum was stealthily trying to sneak up on the missing exotic animal traffickers — who were also apparently into your more run-of-the-mill dognapping crimes — and giving him away was definitely the worst timing ever.

And sure, maybe Magnum had forgotten to call Katsumoto to tell the detective Higgy was dragging him to Kauai, what with the _ injustice _ of being stuffed into business-casual and paraded in front of greedy reporters who wouldn't know one end of a firearm from another if it was pointed in their face. So maybe he deserved to be getting phone calls wondering what was going on and why he wasn't giving his statement at the station. But he did not appreciate his hiding place being given away by the loud ringing of what, in this case, happened to be the ironic lyrics of the "Bad Boys" song.

He'd silenced the phone quickly and shoved it at Lilo with instructions to stay out of sight and call Higgy, then walked out into the open to distract the guys and hopefully buy enough time for the cavalry to show up. Unfortunately, his "plan" amounted to trying to fight three big burly guys at once and not die in the process. Which really sucked for just about every part of his body.

That, indirectly, led to another growing concern of his. Higgins had literally bought him this outfit like, three hours ago, and it was already pretty ruined. And she was definitely going to make him pay for it. The last thing that he needed was to be owing _ her _ money, too.

"You know, this is a brand new shirt," he tried to reason with his attackers. One of them was currently wielding a pooper-scooper as a makeshift club. "I know you're pretty pissed off right now, but could you please try to keep that in mind? I'm kind of in-between paychecks right now, and the dry-cleaning bill— Whoa!" He leaped back to avoid a vicious swing from the pooper-scooper and frowned. "Okay, fine; don't say I didn't warn you!"

He was really starting to think these guys didn't appreciate the seriousness of his plight. 

He'd gotten a few solid licks of his own in already, which was good because several things happened in the span of the next few moments that would have definitely made him doubt himself if he didn't already have such a great sense of self-esteem.

There was a clattering sound from the direction of the back door, and Lilo suddenly yelled, "They're here!" and went running past Magnum toward whoever had just arrived — which was hopefully Higgy and the boys, otherwise things were about to get _ really _bad.

In the split-second Magnum paused to look in the direction Lilo had gone, he was just distracted enough from the man in front of him to give the guy the opening he needed.

Magnum realized his error at the same moment he saw a blur of gray in his peripheral vision, and he turned just in time to catch a pooper-scooper with the side of his face — which hurt way more than he would've expected.

"Oh, you've got to be _ kidding _me!"

He couldn't decide if his friends had the best or the worst timing in the world. At least they had brought weapons, which went a long way toward encouraging the traffickers to put their hands up and stop hitting him, which he definitely appreciated. He had just turned around to say so when Higgins interrupted him with an exclamation of annoyance.

"Magnum, I just bought you that shirt!"

Distracted, he glanced down and saw several large drops of fresh blood spattering the fabric. Making a face, he reached up to gingerly prod his eyebrow where the sharp metal edge of the pooper-scooper had made contact.

"Oh gee, thanks so much for your concern; my _ head injury _ and I really appreciate it!" he grumbled, looking around for something he could use to staunch the bleeding. After a minute, he gave up and just used his shirt. There was blood on it anyway, so what the heck?

Higgins threw her hands up in frustration. "You are absolutely incorrigible."

Shaking his head, Magnum looked past Higgins to where Rick and T.C. were keeping pistols trained on the animal traffickers. "Hey guys!" he grinned around the collar of his shirt that he had pulled up to press against his eyebrow. "Thanks for coming."

"Hello? I think I see Stitch up on that shelf! And he's in a cage! He _ hates _cages!"

Magnum's eyes widened. _ Oh right, the kid! _ In his defense, he rarely had to baby-sit _ and _ engage in hand-to-hand combat at the same time. For that matter, he _ never _ had to baby-sit. So forgetting there was a ten-year-old running around the store was totally understandable in his situation. Besides, he'd just gotten whacked in the head; he deserved a _ little _slack.

Judging from Higgins' face, though, slack was not something he was about to be given.

"I'm coming, Lilo; hang on just a second!" He threw Higgins an innocent grin. "I gotta go get her dog back."

"Mhm. Try not to hurt yourself on the way there."

"Please"— Magnum dropped his shirt to spread his hands in a gesture of innocence and flashed her a winning smile —"you do realize who you're talking to, right?"

Higgins quirked an eyebrow. "Right, of course. I forgot; not all of us can be as brilliantly uncoordinated as you. My apologies."

"Hey, this is not my fault!" Magnum defended himself, pointing to his face. "You distracted me!"

"We saved your life if I'm interpreting the situation correctly," T.C. offered.

Beside him, Rick snorted. "Besides, Thomas, who's the one who's going to need three stitches in his eyebrow?"

"You know what, if I get a blood infection and die, I'm blaming all of you."

"What, for coming to your rescue?" Higgins tilted her head and smirked.

Magnum rolled his eyes and turned to join Lilo next to a set of shelving units along the far wall. "Right, so where's Stitch?"

"Up there!" the little girl pointed.

Glancing up, Magnum noted the rows of animal cages lining each of the shelves. Most appeared to be empty with the exception of one of the cages on the highest shelf. From where he stood, he could make out a huddled bundle of blue fur in the back of the cage. The kid hadn't been kidding; this dog really was blue.

"Okay, one Stitch, coming up." Magnum reached up to undo the latch on the kennel.

Lilo was bouncing on her toes anxiously. "Is he okay? Why isn't he moving? Is he still alive? Is he breathing?"

"If I remember correctly, these particularly nasty people have been using something to make the animals they steal sleepy, probably to avoid getting bitten," Higgins explained gently, putting an arm around the little girl's shoulders. "Once it wears off, he will be perfectly fine."

"They deserve to get bitten, stealing a perfectly innocent dog like that!" Lilo huffed, even as she leaned into Higgins for comfort.

By this point, Magnum had figured out the lock on the cage and gotten it open. He reached inside for Stitch — who was just a little bigger and heavier than he'd calculated, but he still managed to pull the animal out of the kennel and turned back to the others. The blue dog looked like it was still unconscious from the drugs, but it was starting to stir and twitch a little, even with its eyes closed.

He regarded how Stitch was curled in his arms and couldn't help shooting a smug grin at Higgy. "See? Animals like me; it's just that your dogs are really demons."

"Magnum, put that down. It could be dangerous," Higgins said sternly.

"But Stitch isn't dangerous." Lilo tugged on Higgins' sleeve.

Ignoring Lilo's comment, Magnum frowned and looked from the woozy-looking creature that was starting to blink awake to Higgins and Lilo and then back again. "What? This teeny little thing?"

"I'm small, too," Higgy replied, rolling her eyes, "and I could kill you in a dozen different ways without even getting out of bed in the morning."

Okay, that was fair.

He was distracted from replying by Stitch, whose eyes had suddenly sprung open and who was now looking around wildly.

"Be careful!" Lilo suddenly yelled. "My dog bites when he's scared!"

Her warning came just half a second too late for a certain someone who had been hit in the head in the recent past. Before Magnum had time to react, the blue dog had opened its absurdly wide mouth and _ wailed _ as it closed its jaws around his bicep.

Magnum screamed. Lilo grabbed for Stitch and screamed. Rick and T.C. screamed. Higgins buried her head in her hands and sighed.

Needless to say, when the police finally arrived, it was all a bit chaotic.

* * *

After giving their statements to the cops, Magnum and his friends finally headed back to the book launch, escorting Lilo and a still-woozy — but much less-bitey — Stitch between them. Before they'd even crossed the parking lot, though, Magnum spotted several figures standing in front of the doorway that led back into the party.

He immediately recognized Kumu and Luther, but he wasn't sure about the tall young woman next to Kumu. Whoever she was, the other private detective seemed to be involved in an animated conversation with her — although, when Magnum looked closer, he was pretty sure it was mostly one-sided on Luther's part.

"You know," Luther was saying as Magnum finally got close enough to make out his words, "I don't like to brag, but I'm actually the best private detective on the island. You want someone found, I find them, and my fees are quite reasonable!"

Magnum snorted as he came up beside Luther. "Yeah sure. _ You _ don't like to brag."

"Magnum!" Luther exclaimed, turning to look at the other man. He looked remarkably less than pleased.

They regarded each other for a brief moment until they were interrupted as Lilo ran up to the young woman and hugged her around the leg.

"Nani! Guess what! Stitch got kidnapped by bad guys and then I needed a P.I. to pick the lock so I found Mr. Magnum! And then he let me help and we beat up the bad guys and look! We got Stitch back! He's still a little dizzy from the bad guys' icky medicine, but he'll be okay — won't you, Stitch?"

Remarkably, it sounded like the dog mumbled an "uh-huh" as it rubbed at its face with a front paw. 

"I'm sorry," Magnum said, turning to the woman — who did not look impressed — and extending a hand. "Thomas Magnum, private investigator. And you are…?"

"Oh, this is Lilo's big sister, Nani," Kumu supplied. "I know their family from way back, so I called her the minute I saw Lilo talking to you inside. It just took her a little while to get down here."

"Wait, so does that mean that _ Magnum _ is getting paid for bringing the kid back?" Luther gaped. "That's totally unfair! She hired _ me _ to do this job. Why should he get all the credit?"

"Um, maybe because he's the one who did all the _ work,"_ Rick suggested with false patience.

Nani gave Luther a stern look and crossed her arms. "You do realize that I didn't actually hire you, right? All I did was not strangle you for being so annoying when my sister was missing."

Higgins raised an eyebrow and looked at the younger woman approvingly. "Oh, I _ like _ her."

Luther threw up his hands. "Seriously? Am I the only person here who is upset that there's no case?"

"Yes!" seven voices chorused, in varying notes of patience — or lack thereof.

"Well, fine then." Luther rolled his eyes. "Be that way. But don't forget, I'm still a much better P.I. than Magnum over here. What kind of guy goes find a lost dog and comes back with a bloody shirt?" He gave Magnum a look of distaste.

"Right then," Higgins spoke up, clapping her hands together. "Mr. Gillis, I believe you'd mentioned something about getting an autographed copy of one of Mr. Masters' books, is that right?"

Magnum knew that smile; it was one he'd been the recipient of many times himself. It was something of a mix between polite, kind, and 'you do realize I can have you killed and no one will ever find your body.'

Somehow, it didn't seem like Luther had picked up on the latter aspect of Higgins' particular expression. "Well, I mean, yeah; that is kind of the whole reason I made the trip out here in the first place. I am something of an avid Robin Masters fan you know."

"Mm, yes, so I've heard." Higgins tilted her head, then turned to the men standing beside her and smiled sweetly. "Rick, T.C., would you two mind escorting Mr. Gillis inside? I'll just be a minute, and I want to make sure I don't lose him in the crowd when I've retrieved one of the autographed copies stashed away for the VIPs."

Luther's mood improved considerably at the mention of 'autographed copies' and 'VIPs.' Rick and T.C.'s did not.

"Are you sure you should be trusting us with that? We already failed baby-sitting duty once today," Rick said, shooting a guilty look in Lilo's direction.

"And I trust you will not fail again," Higgins responded. She lifted an eyebrow pointedly. "Come on, boys; it's just for a few minutes, and I promise I will make it up to you both."

T.C. sighed and clapped his friend on the shoulder. "We're doing this for you, Higgy. But you owe us," he added.

"Big time." Rick nodded. "Come on, Luther. What say we go see if there are any cookies left at the buffet?"

Higgins shook her head as the three men headed inside, then turned back to the others. "I'm sorry about that," she said to Lilo and Nani with an apologetic grin. "Mr. Gillis means well, deep down, but he is rather… trying at times. Oh, I'm Juliet Higgins, by the way," she added, extending a hand to Nani. "I'm sorry, with all the chaos here, I forgot to introduce myself."

"She works with Mr. Magnum," Lilo chimed in. Then she gasped as if something had just occurred to her. "Oh! I almost forgot!" She reached up to tug on the hem of her sister's shirt. "We owe Mr. Magnum his fee for finding Stitch."

Magnum saw Nani blink in concern and quickly spoke up. "My rate for finding lost pets is only twenty-five cents a day," he assured her with a knowing grin.

"Which means we owe him one quarter," Lilo concluded. "Except…" She wrinkled her nose. "I don't have any quarters. Can I borrow one? I'll pay you back!"

Raising an eyebrow in Magnum's direction, Nani reached into her purse. "Sure, Lilo; I think I have one." Retrieving the coin, she started to hand it over, only to be interrupted by Lilo.

"Wait!" Lilo exclaimed. "I hired him, so _ I _ should pay him!" She grinned happily as Nani handed her the quarter, then turned to Magnum. "Here. Thank you for finding Stitch." She paused, and then rushed forward and hugged his leg tightly.

Magnum smiled and patted her on the head. "You're very welcome. I'm glad Stitch is safe."

"Okay." Nani put a hand on Lilo's shoulder. "Come on, Lilo. We need to get home for dinner. It is a school night, you know. It was nice to meet you both; thank you for helping Lilo," she said to Higgins and Magnum, then turned to Kumu. "And it was so good to see you again. We'll have to catch up over the phone sometime."

"Right." Lilo nodded, pulling away from Magnum and giving him another smile. She turned to look for her dog, who was still looking a little dizzy from the whole dognapping ordeal. "C'mon, Stitch! Let's go home!"

The creature looked up and slowly got to its feet, then headed after Lilo. The little girl put an arm around its back, then turned to glance back at the adults watching her go. "Bye, Mr. Magnum! Thank you again for saving Stitch!" She waved over her shoulder as she followed her big sister toward the parking lot..

He returned the wave with a grin, then frowned and tilted his head as he watched Lilo turn to the little blue creature staggering along beside her on all fours. "I'm still not sure that's a dog."

Kumu chuckled. "Maybe it's an angry koala."

"Well, whatever it is, it _ hurt." _ Magnum made a face and pointedly rubbed his arm.

"No need to be so dramatic." Higgins rolled her eyes. "It didn't even break the skin."

"Yeah, but it _ could _ have," he defended himself. How dare Higgy make light of the situation. Who knew what diseases he could catch from an animal bite? "That thing makes _ your _ dogs look like teddy bears."

Higgins rolled her eyes. "The lads _ are _ teddy bears. You're just too much of a baby to realize it."

Whatever Magnum was going to say in reply was interrupted by a loud crash and clattering noise from inside the book shop, followed by some very tense-sounding yelling. He raised an eyebrow at Higgins. "We should probably get in there."

She mimicked his expression. "With you looking like an axe murderer? I don't think so."  
  
Magnum glanced down at his shirt, wincing as he did so. There was actually a lot more blood than he had thought. And… now that Higgy had mentioned it, more than a few people _ had _ stopped to stare and whisper since they'd left the pet store. "Well, guess I have to miss the end of the party. Sorry, Higgy."

"Not so fast." She shook her head. "You do still have that much more casual shirt that you wore on the plane ride over still in the car. It's not my first choice, but you being absent for the rest of this event is even less acceptable, so you'll just have to go change."

"I thought Rick said I was going to need stitches." He tried to sound as pitiful as possible.

Higgins stepped up to close the gap between them and reached up to prod his brow.

"Ow!" he objected.

"Oh, don't be such a baby," Higgy said with a smirk. "I think you'll live. Just go wash up in the bathroom; I think there's a first aid kit around here somewhere we could use to patch you up the rest of the way."

Magnum turned to Kumu and spread his arms. "Help me out here, Kumu?"

"Oh, I know better than that," the older woman replied, shaking her head. "I'll just be inside."

"Traitor," Magnum muttered, rolling his eyes. But he followed Higgins obediently to the car and comforted himself with the fact that at least he had only ruined the fancy new shirt instead of the comfortable one he'd been wearing when he got to the island. That was something. And they'd managed to help that kid _ and _ catch his errant animal traffickers. Not bad for an afternoon's work.

Now all he had to do was finish schmoozing the reporters for Higgins and Robin. It wasn't necessarily his favorite activity, but it did come with free food. And, since he did happen to be _starving_ — wrestling with animal traffickers did take it out of a person — he supposed it was an even trade.

He just hoped Rick and T.C. had left him some crab cakes.


End file.
